Jun 19, 2003

Love, Loss, Impotence

My uncle passed away this morning. The announcement filled me with a familiar but unexpected grief. And a helpless compassion for my father and the rest of my family. I am angry at myself for being so ignorant as to assume everything would be okay. And I can't stop thinking I should have tried to call more times than I did. There are so many things I should have done. It's easy to mistake tears of sadness for tears of guilt and shame. And that is a cruel border to cross.

Whatever the sort, the tears keep coming. In unexpected waves. I can no longer count the number of days I awoke with no idea what sort of pain and disappointment was in store. It makes it difficult to proceed without the overcaution of recently burned fingers.

posted by Mary Forrest at 10:45 AM | Back to Monoblog

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