I wish I could respond
to each of you personally, but, what with the overwhelming breadth of
your curiosity, sometimes it just makes sense to try and address these
things en masse, particularly when the same questions keep popping
up again and again. I hope this helps, but if it doesn't, please feel
free to query the mistress
(that would be me) directly. I will do my best to answer you promptly
and candidly. I am nothing if not open and honest.
I notice you
work on your page a lot. Don't you have a job?
Can you give
me explicit directions to your home and information about disabling
any existing security devices?
No, I'm afraid I can't.
Did you just
make all these questions up yourself?
Don't be silly. And don't ever ask that question again.
What do you think
life will be like after the apocalypse?
Much like it is now. But maybe with fewer trees. And giant cockroaches
will rule the earth.
What was it like
to work at MP3.com?
Much like it is to work at any other booming dotcom company. And giant
cockroaches ruled the earth.
What is the finest
sugary breakfast cereal known to man?
Fruity Pebbles. No Contest.
How does a busy
girl like yourself manage to be so clever and charming and still have
time left over to watch your figure?
Well, now I can't be expected to give up all my secrets, can I? Plus,
who says I'm charming?
For what would
you like to be remembered?
My shoes. And my tireless service to mankind.
What have you
got against the Vulcan Mind Meld?
Nothing. Meld at your own risk.
Why do you have
so many compact discs?
Clearly, I have a dire need for professional psychological help.
Why do you have
so many shoes?
Fashion is a cruel and heartless tyrant. But, alas, I must obey.
Is there ANYTHING
you don't carry in your handbag?
I have never carried any kind of fresh meat in my handbag. Other than
that, everything's fair game. And you can laugh if you want, but when
you're trying to pick beef jerky out of your teeth in the car and the
next nearest rest stop is three quarters of the way to Albuquerque,
you'll look upon me with wide, admiring eyes as I retrieve my mint-flavored
floss from that one pocket I keep it in and proceed to treat my chompers
to some sweet relief.
Can you spare
Oh, uh, I, uh, don't have any cash on me. Sorry -- yeah, God bless you,
What is the capital
of Upper Volta?
You mean the West African nation now known as Burkina Faso? Why, that
would be Ouagadougou, of course.
How do you take
Over easy. Poached will also do nicely. I prefer the yolks intact and
Why haven't you
done more to advance the career of largely underrated comic genius Brian
Bear witness to my shame: I have not done my part in catapulting Brian
Regan to superstardom, and I am terribly ashamed. But all will be made
right. Watch for the Brian Regan Laff-Mobile/Vagabond Book Trolley --
coming soon to a town near you!
What is the significance
of June 21, 1996?
That's the day I bought my first pair of Joan and David's. Now I've
got six pair and it's probably not such a big deal. But I think the
annual parade and ethnic dance exhibition should continue. You know
-- for the kids.
What's the deal
with Nabisco (R) Air Crisps (TM)?
Hmm? -- I can't answer that question right now. I'm too busy cramming
these amazingly light and crispy baked snacks into my mouth. I just
can't get enough of them! What are they called again?
with your legs?
It's the shoes, silly!
Manolo Blahniks. I'm proud to say no portion of my body has ever come
into contact with a Birkenstock. My fingertips recoil just typing the
What does "Christmas"
mean to you?
Popcorn strings and egg nog and giant plastic lawn candles and network
rebroadcasts of all my favorite stop animation classics. Oh, and that
kid in the manger.
Would you like
to buy some Omaha Steaks?
No, and if you ever call my house again, I'll come over there and lay
waste to you and all your diseased ilk. Unless you are having another
special on the bone-in Omaha Strips. Those things are un-bleeping-believable!
Waive the shipping charges, and we're in business.
When are you
going to get off your lazy ass and set up a Yo-Hi reunion?
I can't answer that. I'm ashamed to the point of weeping.
Which of your
limbs is bionic?
That's very personal. Ask me after I've had a few drinks.
of the Day][Fonts]
1997-2001 Mary Forrest.
Don't even think about passing this off as your own handiwork!
This site created and maintained by Mary