Care for a nice cold glass of my venom? It's fresh! By popular demand, I have assembled a far-from-exhaustive compendium of the things which make me least pleased. Dig in!

If you're reading my version of this page for the first time and you've seen and done a few things online, you may be struck by how similar it is to the contents of some other online personalities' site contents. That's because there are numerous morally bankrupt Internet criminals out there who think it would be a nice idea to take the stuff I've written and post it on their own web sites and pretend they came up with it in the privacy of their own homes. For some reason, the Peeve-O-Rama in particular has fallen prey to this brand of kidnapping more than any other page on my site. But I've encountered ruthless jerks who post my FAQ page, my Free Font Fiesta, and any number of other pretty Mary-Forrest-specific parts of my web site VERBATIM on their own domains without giving me a shred of credit. What's that about?
I refrain from expounding on the obvious. ALthough, now that I no longer host my pages on that demon mothership, I might be inclined to be more explanatory. Perhaps at a later date. King of the Hill had a nice AOL conspiracy reference this weekend. I applaud it.
Grammatical Abominations (courtesy of Adam C.)
Gather 'round, fellow lovers of the language. My first example is only properly irritating when it appears in written form: "would of," "should of," and "could of." Much as these may sound correct, they are just lazy vernacularizations of the proper "would HAVE," "should HAVE," and "could HAVE." Another needling example is "suppose to" which, when correctly written looks something like this: "supposed to." As in, "You are SUPPOSED TO have learned this stuff back in elementary school." And if you respond by saying you could care less, I'll wring your sorry neck.
Bad Driving
Just stay out of my way. That's all I ask.
Blatant Overuse of Double Entendre
Nothing tickles the funny bone quite as ineffectively as humor of the obvious. The next time someone says their job's a pain in the ass, fight the urge to say, "I'll give you a pain in the ass!" Fight it valiantly, my friend.
"Don't go there"
I'll go where I please, thanks very much. Besides, "don't go there" -- which used to be a suggestive phrase intended to convey wit and insightful use of double entendre -- has come to mean "I have no response to what you're saying but I want you to think that I'm funny and 'down with it.'" The comedy boat is pulling away from the pier, folks, and there ain't no room for slackers.
I'm an understanding sort of gal. But if you're going to be really late, you'd better have a sucking chest wound or a note from your parole officer. This lady does not like to wait.
Dishonesty in Advertising
Two words: Sea Monkeys.
Leaf Blowers
Good Lord, people! When is this ritual ever really necessary? Oh, that's right. Apparently, it's necessary anytime I'm sleeping and don't wish to be disturbed (at length) by the roar of your lawn equipment. If you could just get that thing to sustain a monotonous pitch, instead of the perpetual arpeggios of gas-powered groaning...Well, maybe I'm just against any tool that requires the wearing of a gasoline backpack.
Have you noticed that nothing's new anymore? From the use of tired old rock songs to sell hamburgers to the use of tired old rock songs to sell hamburgers. When is the advertising world going to wise up and start using tired old rock songs to sell other things like drapes and portable woodworking equipment?
Tekton Abuse
It's not as if I created this font, Tekton that is. Nor was I the first happy font aficionado to compose a letter to a friend in its neatly handprinted-looking typeface. But Tekton (occasionally found masquerading as "Architect", "Technical", or some other name containing "TEC") is every-freaking-where and it's driving me batty! McDonald's, car commercials, the breakfast menu at the Bedrock City gift shop -- it's everywhere, I tell you! . . . Is it just me, or does this peeve have a decidedly "Soylent Green is people!" feel to it? Anyway, someone else has seen fit to devote a whole page to the subject. Tekton Sightings is not completely updated, but it supports my case.
Nutritional Information
I just don't want to know.
Cancer and AIDS
I know everyone picks on cancer and AIDS, but I'm having trouble finding anything nice to say about them, so I'll hop on the bandwagon and chime right in: down with cancer and AIDS!
I haven't suffered the loss of very many close friends or acquaintances, so I can't really give this topic its due. I think I'm more often tormented by the fact that food goes bad than the reality of our eventual and inevitable doom. Why don't I ever feel like having a salad until the lettuce is a slimy mass of wilted gunk? And why am I so frugal that I'm often tempted to eat it anyway rather than cope with wasting it? God help me.
Rudeness in General
This is a shout-out to all my pals operating registers at grocery stores or processing returns at department stores or answering inane questions at video rentals or offering technical assistance for top-heavy online service providers or vying for parking at the mall: Be nice! Santa Claus is watching.
This is kind of a no-brainer. Honesty is only divine when you're telling people what they want to hear. In all other instances, tact -- and occasionally downright lying reign supreme. To put my assertion to the test, try telling your girlfriend which part of her body could best benefit from the attention of a cosmetic surgeon and then just sit back and watch what fun ensues. I suggest you have the popcorn ready well in advance for this event.
I think, of all the items on this list, anticlimax is what I hate the most.

[Home][Cool Places][Likes][Look at Me][FAQ][True Life][Lines][Do Your Part][Secret Song]
[Bad People][Overexposed][Soapbox][Soup of the Day][Fonts]
[Monoblog][Diario di Lomo][Art Expo]


© Copyright 1997-2002 Mary Forrest.
Don't even think about passing this off as your own handiwork!

This site created and maintained by Mary Forrest.